Flight Of The Muses
by the Zoshi
Summary: PG might be changed later.Chapter 5 is up! Strangeness galore, onions, olives, hold the onions..
1. Flight of the Muses and whatnot

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is not Mine. Sephiroth isn't either. Insane Sephy whose creation was fueled by one too many sugar highs while surfing FFVII fanfiction, is not entirely mine, since the whole character design thing belongs to Squaresoft. The idea for (this) Insane Sephy is mine, though. So don't steal, at least not without asking. Or sugar. Or something.

Author's note: Skiz and Sake are my cat-boy muses, currently, since all my other muses have hit the trail and gone on a road trip, leaving me. *sniffle* Insane Sephy appeared one day, attempted to rob the house using a plastic Masamune, and succumbed to attacks of random sugar-filled jelly snacks. Ever since then he stayed. 

This story has no point. At least, I don't think it does. It was created for my own amusement purposes. It's a humor fic that revolves around, pretty much, nothing. Oh, wait, there's the whole Riku wanting to get out of Kingdom Hearts and trying to find Sora and Kairi and stuff, thing…. But that's not important. Blah. I'm bored with the Author Note. Let's move on, shall we?

**Flight of the Muse**  (By: Zoshi the Confused)

  (^-- Random Title that really doesn't have anything to do with the story)

  (Sephy: *grumbles, puts away the fairy wings*)

          Somewhere, in some deep dark corner of a deep dark world known as Kingdom Hearts, someone sits. He's been sitting there for the last three years. Or rather, he's been doing many, many things in the near vicinity of where he was currently sitting, for the past three years. He sighed. A few moments passed. He sighed again.

          "Why is this place so boring?!" He screamed out into the darkness. 

          "Riku… Shhhh… I'm sleeping…." A big-eared mouse creature groaned from the darkness not far from Riku. Riku glared in its general direction, too mad and angry and bored to really aim, and then got up. The mouse heard him move and sat up.

          "Where're you going?" The squeakiness in the Mickey's voice made Riku grimace. 

          "Nowhere." He said, walking off.

          "Oh, okay. Bring back some pixie sticks, will you?" The mouse dropped to the ground fell back asleep.

Meanwhile… 

          In a world not so very far away (just two blocks north, left turn by the Inter-World McDonalds), a house exploded. Okay, maybe it didn't quite explode, but chaos and mayhem WERE ensuing. All over it. Okay, maybe only in the kitchen.

          "What do you mean you lost her?!" Tail bristling, Sake shook Skiz viciously, the other cat boy squeaking in discomfort. "How do you lose an author? And not just any author, but YOUR author?!"

          "Calm down Sake, she's probably just in some corner of a dark bar, writing another story." Insane Sephy was busy putting sprinkles in his coffee. Yes, sprinkles, the green and blue kind that change color in liquids, or semi-liquids. You know, the ones you get with yogurt? Anyway, he grinned maniacally, mixing the coffee and watching it turn bright orange.

          "But…but…" Sake dropped Skiz. "But she had my last box of Pocky! NOOOOO!!!"

          Skiz sat on the floor, looking up pityingly at Sake, who seemed to be on the verge of losing his mind. Skiz didn't think this was a good idea. Ever since Sephy had lost his mind, he went around wearing fairy wings, throwing jell-o and waving around a plastic sword. And while the jell-o and plastic sword was lots of fun, Skiz just didn't think that Sake was the fairy wings kind of guy. So he did the only logical thing his slow brain could think of.

          "AHHH! Comeonletgoletgoletgo!!!" Sake whimpered, attempting to dislodge the well-meaning cat-boy from his leg… and failing.

          "Prrrawww!" Skiz grinned happily.

          "No, bad cat boy! Bad!" Sake shook his finger at him, and Skiz released his leg. "What did I tell you about grabbing people's legs? It's not hygienic!"

          Skiz's ears drooped, but then he jumped up, grinning.

          "Uh oh…" Sake took a step back.

          "Lollipops!" Skiz pulled out a dozen different lollipops out of his pant pockets and thrust them into Sake's face.

          "AH! … Not so close!" Sake fell back onto the kitchen table. 

          I. Sephy, in the meanwhile, had noticed the lollipops. With a growl he jumped forward.

          "SUGARRR!!!" He tackled Skiz and both fell onto the floor. Skiz tried to hide the lollipops, but was paralyzed by the sudden fear that gripped him the second he looked into I. Sephy's insanity-filled eyes.

          "MROWR!" He cried, and the second he unfroze, he tossed his lollipops into the air like so much confetti.

          "Sugar everywhere!" I. Sephy cackled madly, grabbing the lollipops and tossing them into the air again, just to watch them fall. All of this while still sitting on Skiz.

          "Pocky…" Sake sobbed on the table, curling up into a ball. 

          All in all, all three had forgotten about the author. Which might just be a good thing.

          Just as Sake was reaching a new level in his Pocky-deprived misery, I. Sephy was attempting to choose between two equally inviting lollipop flavors, and Skiz struggling to get out from under him, something else happened.

          "AHHHHHHHH! MY EYES!! THEY BURN!!! BURNNN!!!!" 

          And so it happened that Riku found, not only something un-boring, not only his way out of Kingdom Hearts, not only the beginning of a new, crazy, and pointless adventure, but the wonder- Oh yes, the ultimate unabridged wonderful wonder- of the blindfold.

          "You know what, the look works for you. All mysterious guy-like."

          "My eyes still burn." 

          "mrrrow… Maybe we should make it tighter…" 

          "Skiz! Not that tight! We don't want to give him brain damage!"

          "Cookies, anyone? I just baked them! And you know how the recipe says half a cup of sugar? Well I put in four!!"

          "…"

          "What? No one wants my cookies?!"

          "Hey, what happened to all the descriptives? Why are we just … dialogue."

          #@#@##@@#********BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT*******##@#@#@#@

          I. Sephy came back, a huge grin on his face.

          "Um, dare I ask what you just did?" Sake questioned.

          "I whacked the computer." I. Sephy stuffed his face full of cookies.

          "Oookay… I'm gonna be leaving now…" Riku started edging his way to the door.

          "NOOOOOO!!!" 

          All anyone could do was stand by and watch as Skiz latched himself onto Riku's arm.

          "You haveta help us find the author!" Skiz mrowed, clinging tightly.

          "What? Hey, I have to go find people too, I don't-" Riku was interrupted by another happy mrowr.

          "We can look for them together!" Skiz said happily. Riku looked uncertain.

          "Well… What do you think, Sephy?" Sake glanced over at the oldest member of their group (just how old, no one knew. But he was older.)

          "Will there be sugar?" 

          "What does that have anything to do with it?" Sake crossed his arms.

          "WILL THERE BE SUGAR?!" I. Sephy bellowed, the sheer force knocking Sake back onto the table once again.

          "Urg… yes…" Sake picked himself up, his collar bell jingling. Skiz heard it, noticed the shininess of the bell, and leaped onto Sake, intent on capturing the strange metal-jingly animal.

          "AHHHH! SKIZGETOFFAME!!!" 

          "Well," I. Sephy ignored the scuffle on the table, although Riku, still being able to see well enough with the blindfold, edged away from it some more. "As long as there's sugar, I'm going."

          "Let's go then." Sake jumped off the table, leaving Skiz still on it, hog-tied with his own tail.

          "Mrrrrowwrrr…?" Skiz tried to catch someone's eye to help him. "Uh, guys, as interesting as this is… it kinda… itches… in a hurtful kinda way…"

          Sake rolled his eyes.

          "And you can't leave without me! I'm supposed to find the author too!" Skiz called as the others made ready to leave.

          "You're the one who lost her!" Sake growled, tail bristling. Skiz gave him those giant watery eyes that anime characters get when they a) are going to cry b) want something really, really bad or c) both. Sake sighed, untied him.

          "Fine, but stay out of trouble." Sake grabbed Riku by the arm and pushed him out the door before the utter insaneness of the house could infect him. "Let's go!"

          "Fine," I. Sephy tossed the rest of his cookies into one pocket, then leaned over and picked up a small, slightly overweight, white and black dog. "But I get the dog."

          "Awwwwww… I wanted the dog!" Skiz whined.

          "Tough luck, chump," I. Sephy said, sticking the dog in his other pocket. "Now go get the Masamune."

          "You mean the plastic sword?" 

          "I MEAN THE MASAMUNE!!!"

          Outside, Riku and Sake stood waiting.

          "You live with that?" Riku asked. Sake shrugged. They stood for another moment.

          "Can't we just leave them?" Riku asked again.

          "They'd find us eventually…" Sake said. Then, with a look at each other, the two guys took off running.

          And for the next hour, all that could be heard coming from the house was:

          "Plastic sword?"

          "MASAMUNE!"

          "Right, but its plastic…"

          "No, It isn't!"

          "Yes it is!"

          "NO!"  
          "YES!"

etc.,etc.,etc….

Ahh… yes.. Insaneness. No point. Crazy muses. I think the best part of this whole thing is Riku. And why is it so weird? I blame it on all those humor-fics I've been reading! ARRGHH! Oh, and yes, If I happen to accidentally steal someone's idea, please flame me. That way I can correct my mistake. I've read so many fanfics, that its hard to keep track sometimes. So. Unless someone tells me otherwise, this might just end here. Heh heh heh… I'm weird…


	2. Search for Sanity, or some such nonsense

Sake: (holds up sign that reads: ) Disclaimer: Chapter 1. See it. ^-^ Plus, any major stores, companies, etc. mentioned are not Zoshi's. (throws sign away) Now, the author is still missing. Her whereabouts are unknown, though there were reported sighting in Chicago, Los Angeles, the Tokyo Tower, and Loch Ness. Recently we've received the following from a man in a lobster suit. It seems to be some sort of message or –

Riku: *runs up* They're coming!

(In the background can be heard cries of "String Cheese!" and "ARGH! Not In My Hair!!!")

Sake: *pales* We must go. I leave you with this! *throws  a bunch of papers at you*

Riku: Hurry up!

*They scuttle off on the back of what seems to be a giant mechanical cockroach*

You look down at the papers in your hand and read:

Flight of the Muses:

The Search for Sanity

(^-- Another random title, although it might come into play later. Keyword there: might.)

(Sephy: Yay! Sanity!)

(Get back in the story!)

(Sephy: *pouts, walks away*)

          When we left them, our soon to be adventurers had split up. Actually, it was more like two of them decided to keep their brains and left the others. Now, all that was left at the house was a slow-witted cat boy, attempting to prove a sword plastic, and a hotheaded insane ex-general, intent on proving it not.

          "See, I'll prove it!" Skiz held the 'Masamune' over the stove and reached for the knob.

          "Nooooo!" I. Sephy (okay, I'm going to drop the 'I' from now on, you all still know who I'm talking about…) leaped forward and grabbed the sword, holding it tightly. "Don't hurt it!!!"

          "Hurt?" Skiz seemed puzzled. "Plastic can't be hurt."

          "Of course it can!" Sephy sniffled, petting the sword.

          "Oh." Skiz suddenly felt very sorry for all the plastic soldiers he'd used his magnifying glass on. But this passed quickly. "Where's Sake?"

          "What?" Sephy stood up straight, looking around. Of course it would have worked better and he would have seen more if he had been outside. "The idiots left without us!!"

          Quite enraged, he stormed out of the house, leaving Skiz standing by the stove, still a little puzzled. Then, realizing he'd be left all alone with no one to talk to or even pounce, the cat boy dashed out after Sephy.

          "Sephy," He called, running up to catch with him, as he was already halfway down the block. "Shouldn't we lock the door?"

          "Who cares about locking doors?! I wanna know why I got left behind!" Sephy snarled.

          They walked down the (quite normal and nowhere near inter-worldly) street some more, turning at the corner and walking past a McDonalds. Skiz stopped suddenly, looking longingly into the window as someone got his fish sandwich. Of course, from his distance, it might have been a Big Mac, a cheeseburger, or even a Fresh Salad. But to his cat-like imagination, which ruled over whatever human imagination dwelled alongside it with an iron paw, it was a fish sandwich.

          "Seeeeepppphhhhhy!!" Skiz whined, grabbing Sephy's arm and pulling. "I wanna fish sandwich!!!"

          "No! You were a bad cat boy and let them leave without us! No fish sandwich for you!" Sephy started walking again, Skiz still clinging to his arm.

          "But Sephy, pleeeeaaase?" Skiz dug his feet into the cement and pulled back. Then said, sounding slightly hill-billyish while doing so. "I looooove yooouuuu."

          "Shut up!" Sephy pulled his arm out of the iron grasp, and Skiz fell over, having nothing to hold on to. "Fine! I'll get you the stupid sandwich! But then we're leaving, right?"

          "Right!" Skiz bounced up happily.

          Sephiroth led the way in, grumbling unhappily. He bought the sandwich, handed it to Skiz, and made to walk out the door. That's when he noticed it. 

          There was no grass; there were no trees. There was… dark blue, with some little colored blocks floating around in it.

          "Oooohhh! Look at the pretty colors Sephy!" Skiz got as close to the window as he could get and still eat the sandwich.

          "Um, what just happened?" Sephy asked, scratching his head.

          "Well sir, that was the one hundredth fish sandwich we've sold today. We've gone into Inter-World mode." A smiling cash register lady beamed at him.

          "Er…" Sephy blinked, a little scared by the white light that was shining off of her bleached teeth, and turned back to the window. "Now what do we do?"

Meanwhile… 

          Our other pair of adventurers was well on their way. Where to, neither of them knew. Where from, that was easy. As far away from Skiz and Sephy as possible.

          "So, we're in Produce World." Riku said. "Two blocks away from the house."

          "Yes." Sake answered, hiding behind some celery stalks and a tomato.

          "Why, may I ask?" Riku refused to hide behind vegetables. Instead, he was hiding behind a stand of pasta boxes and lasagna pans.

          "Because, this is the last place they'll look!" Sake hissed, then ducked down as a lady walked up.

          Now, truth be told, their makeshift hiding spots weren't the greatest. For one thing, tomatoes didn't have furry ears and celery stalks were not known to sprout long white tails. Also, the last time anyone checked, pasta boxes didn't glower at vegetables.

          The lady went about, trying to pick out a good tomato. In an effort to be kind to a customer, Sake picked one out for her. Seeing a celery stalk with an arm hand her a tomato, the lady thanked it nicely. Then ran away screaming "The End Is Coming! VEGETABLES SHALL RULE THE WORLD!"

          "Oh, great. Now you've done it." Riku threw off the boxes and pans and took off. Sake raced after him, trying to get celery leaves out of his mouth.

          "It wasn't my fault she didn't know how to pick vegetables!" Sake grab Riku and dove behind a conveniently placed watermelon box just as a horde of employees raced to the vegetable aisle.

          "Now what do we do?" Riku sighed.

          "Well, you could always walk out nonchalantly and pretend nothing happened." A voice spoke up from the top of the watermelon pile.

          "What?! Who said that?!" 

          Riku and Sake looked up to see…

*DUNDUNDUNNNNNNN!!!*

          A piggy bank. White. With a red bow. And a dust mask covering its face. You know, the paper kind that you might just use when you're painting? Or sanding? Or cleaning your room? That kind.

          "Ahhh! Noooo!!" Sake cried, collapsing to the ground and shivering in fear. 

          "What? What's going on?!" Riku looked from the piggy bank to Sake. From Sake to the piggy bank. From the piggy bank to the watermelons. Hey, the guy was getting hungry!

          "It's the Piggy Bank!" Sake trembled, causing his voice to sound like a person who was on a shaky ride.

          "Yes, it is I! Muahahahahaa!" The Piggy Bank said, dancing on her dainty white porcelain feet (as the person who made her didn't give her any hooves).

          "And… why are you here?" Riku asked, not one bit scared of the Piggy Bank.

          "TO PUNISH SAKE FOR LOSING THE AUTHOR!!" Lightning crackled all over the store, short circuiting fuses and blowing up the canned foods aisle.

          "Nooooooo!" Sake shrieked, trying to fit inside a coconut. "It wasn't my fault!!!"

          "Look, isn't there some way to make it up to you?" Riku asked hurriedly, not really scared of the Piggy Bank but also not really wanting to see Sake embarrass himself any more. Currently, the cat boy was attempting to fit his foot into a lemon. And his tail into a lime.

          "Make it up?! Hmmm… For losing the author, you shall-" The Piggy Bank paused for dramatic effect. "BRING ME A SHRUBBERY!!!"

 *PAUSE*

 *START*

          "Uh, how about some truffles?" Sake asked sacredly.

          "Fine then. But you must-" The Piggy Bank paused again for dramatic effect, which didn't work quite as well as it had the first time. "BUY ME ALL THE TRUFFLES IN THE STORE! MUAHAHAHAA!!"

          "Right away!" Sake jumped up happily and ran through the store, grabbing all the bags, boxes, and containers of truffles and tossing them into a handy shopping cart.

          "You really have him whipped, don't you?" Riku stood, eating his third slice of watermelon.

          "Heh heh heh… snort…" The Piggy Bank was somehow inhaling the watermelon through the dust mask, and already on her fifth slice.

Back in the Inter-World McDonalds… 

          "NOW TELL ME HOW TO GET OUTTA HERE!!" Sephy gripped the still-beaming cash register lady's shirt collar tightly.

          "Sir, if you will just calm down and take a seat. MY manager will come out to see you in just a few moments." The lady squeaked from her tightened vocal cords. But she still smiled.

          "NO! A FEW MOMENTS ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH!" Sephy was shaking with rage. Not only did he have to waste his money on a stupid cat, not only did he have no idea where he was, not only was this annoying lady not telling him something he really, really wanted to know, not only was she nearly blinding him with her teeth's bleached whiteness, he had left his coffee at home. And it had just turned that peculiar shade of orange he liked. 

          Skiz bounced over and stole a soda. 

          "Sir, are you going to pay for that?" The happy lady squeaked. Skiz stopped.

          "Uh… No?" He bounced off again to watch the flying blocks.

          "Now tell me lady," Sephy growled lowly. "How to we get back to our world?"

          "Well, sir, if you'd only said that the first time…" The lady began. Sephy growled violently. "You just have to get a gummi ship."

          "What in the fifth galaxy is a gummi ship?" Sephy asked, quite surprised, and dropped the lady on the floor.

          "Ooooo! Are we going to the fifth galaxy?" Skiz cried out happily.

          "No!" Sephy looked at the lady. "Where can we find a gummi ship?"

          "Well you can't find one in here, silly, if that's what you're thinking." The lady sat up and brushed some dirt off of her shining whites (after all the bleach they weren't really pearly). "You'd have to go outside and go somewhere else."

          "But… we can't go outside without a gummi ship." Sephy was getting mad again.

          "Nope, I guess you can't." She smiled brightly.

          All through the conversation, between trying to drink the soda, watch the blocks, and eating a fish sandwich (his fifth), all Skiz caught was 'go outside'.

          "We're going outside! Yay!" Skiz bounced out the door.

          "What! No, you idiot! Not out there!" Sephy dashed out after him, quite sure that if he'd let Skiz perish in the darkness of gummi space, or accidentally crash into a giant colored block, someone would have his head for sure.

          "Good bye, have a nice day, and please come again." 

          And now Skiz and Sephy found themselves floating in dark blue nothingness. Occasionally dotted by some random, neon colored block. 

(Or geometrical shape. But no organic shapes. Just geometric. Meaning they all had sharp edges. Or something. Oh, wait, there were organic shapes. Like meteors. Or asteroids. Or-)

          "A-hem" Sephy glared into the darkness of space.

          "Author?!" Skiz twirled around happily, then grabbed his throat. "Sephy! I can't breathe! Is that bad?"

          Sephy was having his own problems. Not only was he finding it also hard to breathe, he was seeing a giant shape come at them. Out of nowhere. Maybe he was hallucinating? 

          And so it happened that the two ended up being swallowed by a giant chain store. Meaning, it sold chains. But then again, there WAS a chain of stores that sold chains. So this was, in fact, a chain of chain stores, or a chain of stores that sold chains?

          Either way, the two found themselves surrounded by masses of chains. 

          "Oooooh, Sephy, its all so shiny!" Skiz said, mesmerized by the light reflecting off thousands of chain links.

          Sephy was busy exchanging glares with burly looking chain wearers. They glared. He glared. They glared some more. He met their glare and raised them twenty. Before anyone knew it, a game of newly revolutionized glare-poker had begun and bets were adding up to thousands of chocolate chip cookies. And milk. Can't have chocolate chip cookies without milk. Or bourbon.

          "Hey, what's this?" Skiz, ignoring the shouts and yells and catcalls and wolf whistles that surrounded the glarers, had found himself a big, giant, paper bag. Without a thought, he jumped in. "Wheee!"

          Oh, what fun! What glorious wondrous, funny fun fun! He twirled around in it, pawed at it, until, at the very bottom, he found…

          "String cheese!" Skiz bounced out of the bag in frenzy-filled happiness. "I found string cheese!!" 

          He bounced over to where Sephy was standing, string cheese hanging out of his mouth, and two more bags of cheese in his hands.

          "Look Sephy! String Cheese!" Skiz tossed a handful of already strung out cheese into the air.

          And there was much rejoicing.

          "Okay, what did you just do?" Sephy looked at Skiz, trying to ignore the now dancing, singing, and all out celebrating chain-wearers.

          "String Cheese!" Skiz thrust a handful of cheese at Sephy.

          "I don't want cheese!" Sephy pushed the hand in his face away. It was then that the dancing of the rejoicing chain wearers reached its high point. A light began shining from the chains on the walls and floor and shelves, as if each chain link was joining in the celebration.

          And all because of some string cheese.

          Then, a loud noise came, whisked Sephy and Skiz away, and pushed them through the wall and into the next store.

Back with the Piggy Bank… 

          Riku, Sake, and the Piggy Bank were sitting around a café table at the nearby Café. Thus, the café table. Makes sense.

          "Do you know how we're supposed to find the Author?" Sake asked the Piggy Bank as she inhaled the truffles.

          "Easy. Use that thing." She pointed a hoof-less foot in a random direction.

          Sake and Riku looked to see a giant, four foot high mechanical thing standing where she pointed. It wiggled its shiny mechanical feet and waved its shiny mechanical antennas.

          "What is it?" Riku asked.

          "It's a transport vehicle! Sheesh, can't you tell?" The Piggy Bank snorted.

          "It looks like a giant cockroach." Sake said. The giant mechanical cockroach went up and smacked him in the head with an antenna.

          "Be nice. Its sensitive." The Piggy Bank said.

          "Can it help me find my friends too?" Riku asked hopefully.

          "Sure, why not." The Piggy Bank waved a foot dismissively, and turned back to her truffles.

          "Let's take it then!" Sake jumped up from his seat, and the cockroach hissed a little.

          "Er… maybe I should just walk." Riku stood up and backed away a little, in front of the next-door salon's door.

          "No, come one, it's not that-" Sake was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a man in a lobster suit.

          "Telegram." The man said in a computer-generated voice, handed Sake a brown envelope, and disappeared just as suddenly as he'd come.

          Sake opened the envelope, and as he looked over the contents and spoke to the readers, Riku saw movement from the corner of his eye. His mind alarms went off. SKIZ AND SEPHY!! In the… salon?

          It doesn't matter, he thought, we gotta go! He ran over to Sake.

          "They're coming!" Riku jumped onto the cockroach's back. 

"String Cheese!" Skiz voice reached outside as he threw some more cheese into the air.

          "Argh! Not In My Hair!" Sephy growled, loud enough for the neighborhood to hear.

Sake panicked, threw the papers at the readers, and, not recognizing his muse-buddie's voices, as some would think he did, and without even bothering to ask just who it was that was coming, jumped onto the cockroach's back. And they scuttled off… into the setting sun…

          Sephy stepped out of the salon, wishing he could lock the insanely happy cat-boy in it. Unfortunately, the lock was on the inside. Skiz bounced out, petted the Piggy Bank, who was still inhaling her truffles, and tripped over a paper.

          "What's that?" Skiz said, and Sephy picked it up.

          "It's www. angelfire. com/ moon/ rgh/ images/ sephskizsake.jpg , along with a note." Sephy looked a little confused.

          "What's the note say?" Skiz got up, jumped on the table, and looked over Sephy's shoulder.

          "It says: **Author here. This is the end of chapter two. Randomness is popping up. Why? RANDOM HUMOR FICS. That's why. Argh. Sorry again if I steal any ideas anyway along. Um, lets see. Yes, the picture. Excuse my inability at drawing chibi. I hope Sephy doesn't look too bad. Sake looks high. Excuse that. Skiz looks fine. And YES, those are fairy wings. Hee hee hee… and if you can't read the words, e-mail me. They're not important though, you'll probably figure them out. Well, later, and out. Buh bye.**" Sephy stared intently at the picture for a second. "Hey! Why isn't there color?! HOW ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO WITNESS THE GREATNESS OF MY FAIRY WINGS IF THERE ISN"T ANY COLOR?!?!?!"

          "Oooo, look, see, Author agrees, it IS plastic!" Skiz points at the paper.

          Sephy rages on. And the two take off. Opposite the setting sun. But then turn left and run into a Subway. Oh boy.


	3. The Third in a Series of Two and a Half

And so we come to the next chapter. As I speed along on my trusty steed *the lime-green scooter snorts at this* along the highways of central America, I send you this. 

The Next Chapter.

The chapter that… won't really do anything, considering the others didn't either. Honestly, The plot run away. I think it left after my other muses to join them on their road trip. They're probably having tequilas in New Mexico, or recording some crap-shot album in L.A. Damn muses… So here goes. Chapter three. 

Disclaimer: KH is not mine. Any items, products, stores, and such mentioned that belong to someone else do not belong to me. Yes? Good.

Flight of the Muses:

The Third in a series of Two and a Half

Where we introduce characters that should have been introduced before. 

But had been forgotten. 

And now remembered.

But not really.

Forgotten, that is.

Just misplaced.

Enjoy.

^_^

Somewhere in the depths of depth-I-ness, a boy wandered. He stopped. He wandered some more. He then pulled out an Ipod. He then proceeded to artistically describe his frustration at not being able to find a song he liked. Until he found one. Then, humming along to it, he set off.

To wander some more.

It was then that he realized he should introduce himself.

"Hi there. I'm Sora." 

Unbeknownst to him, at the very same moment, some readers found themselves going "Hi. My names ______." While others found themselves thinking, Who's he talking to?

Of course, in a few seconds, it became all too clear just who he was talking to.

"RAAWRR RORRR RAWR RAROWROWOARRRR!!!"

Sora jumped back as three coal black demon-dog-from-hell heads tried to behead him. 

Sora thought this was all because of the fact that the last time he saw the dog, he had whipped it into shape as if it were a pup.

Of course, any person who, watching from a (preferably safe) distance, could put two and two together, knew exactly why the dog did what he did.

He was jealous. 

Here he had worked for years for Hades, guarding the gates and eating trespassers (who were more often than not smelled like fish from the river Styx and made his noses burn), and all he got to show for it were a few dog collars and a steak every other week.

And here was a kid, whose only job had been to save the worlds and defeat evil, and he got to have an Ipod.

How unfair.

So the dog raged.

"RRORORROWRORR RORRRR ROWWRRWRWRWRRR!"

"Whoah, Cerberus, I'm sorry, really. Look, I'll make it up to you. I'll get you a steak, how about it?" Sora tried his best to please the dog. 

"RORORORWRWRWWOWRRRR!" Cerberus lunged so far the chains connecting him to his post squeaked in protest.

"Um." Sora stood there, listening to Our Lady Peace ask if he knew why Superman's Dead and wondering just why he was here.

It was a good question, and considering just what kind of fic this is, there probably was no answer. Of any kind.

So we move on.

In another section of the worlds, a lady in a pink dress was taking care of her flowers. She watered them, singing softly so that they'd grow nicely. After watering them she sat in her garden, closing her eyes and communing with nature.

Nature must not have liked her, because at that moment, a large ball of stone fell from the sky and flattened her into her beloved ground. 

At the same moment an ethereal laugh penetrated the area. 

_MUAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!_

A little boy, a few houses away, looked up at the sky in terror and called to his mom.

"Mommy! What is it I'm scaaaaaweeeddd!!" He sobbed, running to his mom and hiding his face.

"Don't worry Billy, that's the sound the author makes when she kills off someone she really, really hates!" Billy's mom said.

"Does she hate me?" Billy asked.

"No, honey, no one hates you." The mom said. And they lived happily ever after. With no scary pink lady to destroy their lives with her messages of peace and love.

Hehhehheh…Hahahaha….MuahahahahaaaaHAAAHAHAHAAHAAAA!!!

Erhm… yeah, moving on.

(this chapter sucks. SHUT UP! no. make me. I will, you little…! *notices readers* um, you wonderful great person! GET OUT OF HERE! *whimper*)

So now, on a tropical island, a girl finds herself looking out over the ocean and sighing. Suddenly, from a far off distance, there is a shriek. And then something lands next to her on the sand.

"Ick! That tastes baaaaad…" 

She turns to see…

"Skiz! Where did you go?! AND WHY IS THIS ON MY FACE?!?!?!" Sephy accidentally plows into the girl, trips over her, all the while trying to pry a giant starfish off his face. Cartoon style.

"Ow!" The girl exclaims, rolls away as Sephy thrashes around, trying to keep more starfish from attacking him. Why they were attacking him, no one knows. 

"Ha! That's funny! The starfish loooooves you!" Skiz says, laughing so hard he rolls onto his back.

"Okay, who are you people?" The girl asks, staring scaredly at Sephy, and then again at Skiz, who was now trying to chew on his tail.

"Damn sand…" He mutters, bites himself on the tail, and yowls loudly.

"Are you okay?!" The girl exclaims.

"I hurt myself…" The cat boy whimpers.

"Okay now, where are we?" Sephy sits up, finally getting the starfish free of his face. "This doesn't look like Albuquerque."

"You're on… Destiny Island." The girl stands up. "But I still don't know who you are."

"I'm Skiz." Skiz jumps to his feet, shaking sand out of his ears.

"I'm Sephiroth." Sephy stands up, but then Skiz pounces him.

"You LIIIIEEEE!!!" He hisses, then sits on the fallen Sephy and looks at the girl. "His name's Sephy. And he has a plastic sword."

"Its not plastic." Sephy screeches, although it's a little muffled since Skiz's tail is wrapped around his face.

"I'm Kairi. And I'm leaving now." The girl turns around, starts walking, then breaks into a run and leaves the two in the sand.

"Now look what you've done." Skiz says sadly.

"Grrrr…" Sephy says into his tail.

And the sun set brilliantly. 

But they didn't see it because they were facing the wrong way.

"Sephy, it got dark." 

"shut up…'

Somewhere far away, on the crossroads between boredom and invigorating lively dances, stood a little house. 

In this little house, lived a man.

Man: Yo.

A man who DID NOT say 'Yo'.

Man: Dammit.

This man had a hobby.

Man: I did?

You do.

Man: Really…

This hobby involved chasing after long-dead girls while ignoring still-living ones were willing to give everything up for him.

Man: Hmm… I wonder where that long-dead girl is?

Dead. She's in dead land.

Man: You sure?

Yes. Very sure.

Man: Damn.

As you can probably tell, dear reader-

Man: There's a reader?

Yes. There might be more than one, even.

Man: Where?!

… Everywhere.

Man: I don't want readers!

Does it look like I care?

Man: MAKE THE READERS LEAVE!

Boy, are you acting out of character…

Man: Does it look like **I** care?!

Okayyy…

Man: Listen, you, make them leave!

You dare to yell at the omnipotent voice?!

Man: You're just the author…

And so the man ended up being locked away in his house until the time the author decided to use him again.

And now, dear reader, I can finish my earlier thought. As you can probably tell, this has been a little time wasting part of the story. As if the rest of it isn't.

Right.

Onward.

It was high tide for the first time in a century… and Hollow Bastion… was flooding. Strange.

"Can someone pleeease fix that leak?" Leon, the-fighter-formerly-known-as-Squall, said, as water trickled onto the top of his head from the hole in the library roof.

Of course, Hollow Bastion can only flood from the top, since the water flows UP. Right? Right, okay.

"Sure, Leon." Yuffie sighed, and with a few small shuriken she managed to attach a board to the hole in the ceiling. "Wow. It worked."

Leon just stared moodily at the opposite wall.

Now, many were thinking, why didn't Leon just move. The reason is, you see, because he couldn't. 

Oh, you want to know just why he couldn't? All right then… He couldn't because his legs were glued together by the juice of a small and overly ripe Rare Truffle that he'd accidentally stepped on. 

"So, does anyone know just how to unstuck Leon?" Yuffie asked those gathered around her.

"Come on, do we look like we read all the time?" Grumpy answered, and the rest of the dwarves nodded. Dopey was holding his book upside down.

Yuffie sighed. She really appreciated Snow White's help, but she would have preferred if the princess helped directly.

Just then, something happened. 

"What just happened?" Leon found himself exclaiming.

No one answered.

"Guys?" Leon tried to look around, but saw no one.

"I wonder what happened?" Leon mused aloud.

You're not alone, Leon. You're not alone. But we'll all have to wait until the next not quite so exciting installment of the series (if there is one) to find out just want happened, why it happened, and why it wasn't covered cream cheese and ketchup. Ick. 

Ahh yes, The end to another wonderful chapter. Lalalalaaa… 

Oh, yes, the Thank Yous.

Thanks to:

Ari Powwel: (this is way overdue) Thank you! And death to the evil and badly written Mary Sues! MUAHAHAHAAA! *trips over tiki torch* Er… don't ask…

Siyengo: the Next chapter. Only half the muses. Sake will be back. And… I dunno. Thank you though, for your continued reading. Makes me feel special to have returning reviewers. *beams*

Laughing Astarael: Thankies! I'm trying not to copy people. If I do, hit me in the head and I'll fix it. And, by the way, I really really like your name. It so nifty!

Oh, and sorry about the no Riku-ness. He'll be back. I promise.

Hopefully. *gets stoned*

I mean, definitely. I'd never leave my fave char out. Not for long…

Until next time, this is Zoshi. Signing out from an in-door café in the middle of Albuquerque. (they were so close!! Muahahahahahahahaaaa!)


	4. The Woe of Pigeons

A. N. : I'm in a deep funk, whatever that means, and humor is leaving me. I'm sorry. I'll try harder next time. At least Riku's in this one. :)

Flight of the muses:

The Woe of Pigeons

(^--- Don't ask. *_* ß-This is me at this moment. That explains a lot, don't it?)

          Sake growled. Things were definitely going wrong.

          "Can't this thing move any faster?" He yowled, kicking the metal cockroach in the side.

          "The more you kick it, the slower it goes. Besides, it's a red light." Riku pointed up at the floating street signal.

          Sake got this look on his face: -_-

          "There's no street." He stated calmly.

          That… was quite true. Not only was there no street, there was no nothing. Except, of course, a lost silver-haired boy and a cat-boy, a giant mechanical cockroach, and a floating street signal. Which, by the way, was stuck on red. And had been stuck on red ever since it was built.

          "So." Riku said. This was followed by nothing, considering Riku really didn't know what he wanted to say.

          "We should be going somewhere." Sake said, looking around. The area around them seemed to be black, but then again, it seemed not to. There was really no way of describing it, except that it was… blank.

          "I feel like I'm on a giant blank piece of transparency." Sake muttered, scowling. "That's it! If this damn thing won't move, I'll move by myself!"

          Sake hopped off the cockroach, hung in the air for a second, and began to fall.

          "Help!" He squealed.

          Now it was Riku's turn to get this look on his face: -_-

          "You're not falling very fast. Actually, you're _barely_ falling." Riku said.

          Sake took a look around, and realized this was very true. He was falling, but very very slowly. Vertigo, though, was whacking him left and right, and he decided to get back on the cockroach.

          "That was funky." He flicked his tail, and looked down past the cockroach's legs.

          The two boys sat there for a little while.

          "So…You think it ran out of gas or something?" Riku asked finally.

          "That's an idea." Sake started poking at the cockroach.

          "What are you doing?" Riku asked.

          "Checking for the little door thing you have to open when you want to pour gas into a car." Sake said, then stopped. 

          "What?" Riku asked.

          "Nothing. I just got bored." Sake sat down with cross-legs, and stared at the emptiness.

          "So… we're just going to do nothing now?" Riku asked.

          "Yup." 

          There was silence for a long moment, and then, for the first time since its creation, the red light turned… Green.

          _VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!_

          : The Cockroach screeched. Or maybe it didn't. It didn't matter, though. The next second the two found themselves cruising down a main street in Miami.

          "This is unexpected." 

          They tried to figure out which one of them said that, but couldn't, mainly because both were being distracted by the view of the beach. That is, until the old people came. Then both found themselves throwing up into the conveniently placed car-sick bags the cockroach came prepared with.

          "I don't want to be here!" Sake cried when he was finished, throwing the bag randomly into the crowd and hitting an unfortunate piano-salesman in the face.

          "Where do you want to be?" Riku said, a bit unnerved to find the cat-boy bawling into his (that is, Riku's) sleeve.

          "I wanna be where the author is! I need to find her!" Sake sobbed. (poor emotional cat-boy…)

          "What if… she doesn't want to be found…" Riku ventured.

          "What?!" Sake bolted up-right, instead of hunched over. "Why wouldn't she want to be found?!"

          "I don't know, maybe she needed alone-time." Riku said exasperatedly.

          "Hmph. Stupid alone time." Sake crossed his arms and pouted.

          "Can I go find MY home now?" Riku asked.

          "Sure, sure, why not. I mean, unless you think your home needs some ALONE TIME!" Sake hissed and scooted over to his half of the cockroach, seething.

          "Er…" Riku was sure this wasn't a good answer, but he didn't have a good answer anyway.

**MEANWHILE, ON DESTINY ISLANDS**

          "Skiz, will you please stop whacking that boy on the head with his stick?" Sephy asked, although he knew it was no use.

          "But look, it makes him all dizzy!" Skiz said happily, whapping Tidus again.         

          "Hee hee… Lookit that… that birdie's all upside down!" Tidus said, by now very very out of it.

          "This is fun!" Skiz said happily, bouncing and whacking the boy in the head at the same time.

          Kairi stood there, confused, and still very scared. Sephy was sitting on the ground, attempting to play with a small, slightly overweight black and white dog. The dog seemed to have other things in mind, and ignored him. Until he poked it. Then it growled, and bit him, and he screamed old-english profanities at it. All of this was a cycle, recurring roughly every five minutes.

          Meanwhile, Skiz was whapping Tidus on the head, as mentioned above. The only reason for this was that he had already succeeded in tying Selphie up with her jump rope 245 different ways. Which was quite a feat, considering there probably isn't 245 ways of tying people up with jump ropes.

          "This… is strange." Kairi said. She wished that Sora and Riku were here, but they weren't, so then she wished Wakka was here, but unfortunately he had been tied to the tallest palm tree on the island by Sephy, after having aimed his blitz ball at the silver-haired man's backside. 

          Kairi had tried making sense with the two, but all the conversations ended the same:

Skiz: Are there lollipops?

Kairi: *sigh* There aren't any lollipops.

Skiz: You sure?

Kairi: Yes, I'm sure.

Skiz: *eyes tear up* No lollipops?

Kairi: Um.

Skiz: *starts bawling* THERE"S NO LOLLIPOPS!

Sephy: *snapping out of his 'I-must-become-god' daydreams* WHAT?! No lollipops?! What kind of stupid end-of-the-world's island is this?!

          So Kairi eventually stopped trying.

**IN ANOTHER PLACE, OCCASIONALLY CALLED CASTLE OF FORMER HIGH EVIL-NESS**

          Leon glared at the walls. He glared at the ceiling. He glared at the water that was slowly rising to his waist-level.

          "I still don't know what happened!!" He called, to whoever would be kind enough to tell him. Unfortunately, those who would be kind enough to tell him didn't know either, so they kept their mouths shut.

And the sun set on another pitiful chapter.

Grrr… I don't like this chapter. It absolutely reeks. I haven't written in such a long time, and I've been in such a damn bad mood, I can't really write humor much. Arg. Oh well, Hopefully it'll be better next time. If there is a next time.

Thanks to: 

Siyengo: Thank's for your support. This chap sucks, I know. I'm sorry. I'll try better next time.

And to:

Laughing Astareal

Ari Powwel

This sucked. I'm sorry. Laters, and out… Zoshi


	5. The Chapter Of NO RETURN!

Would you look at that? Days late on the Wings That Ache chapter, and I'm putting this up. How joyous. I did write this in the computer lab at school, mind you. While I was sitting there, chewing gum and wondering why I wasn't listening to Stabbing Westward like I'd planned too. The headphones are soo close… yet soooooo far away… arh….

Disclaimer: KH is not mine. Anything that doesn't sound mine, isn't mine, unless its mine, in which case it is definitely mine, although it may not seem to be mine. 

Flight of the Muses:

Chapter 5

Also Known As 

The Chapter Of NO RETURN!!! *echoey booming voice. Scared shriek in background*

            Sora knocked on the door. Less Than Jake's "Nervous In The Alley" was reminding him of the dangers of taking dark, un occupied, and endless alleys home in the middle of the night. 

            The door opened a crack.

            "Yes?" Asked the eyes that peered suspiciously out of it.

            "Uh, Hi, my name's Sora, and I'm trying to find my friends, I was wondering-"

            "It lies! I don't know where they are! You won't find their bones in my garbage disposal!!" The door suddenly swung all the way open and the man had clutched Sora's shirt in his anorexic-looking fingers. "I knew I shouldn't have gone out for corn dogs! But they're battered goodness called me! I tried microwaving the frozen kind, but it wasn't the same! It was the pigeon, wasn't it? The white one with the missing toe and that black growth on its left wing, wasn't it?"

            "No, uh… I think I got the wrong address… um…" Sora squirmed nervously. 

            The man suddenly glanced up at the night sky sharply, then leaned in, still looking up.

            "What day is today?" He asked, a little too calmly.

            "Uh… Tuesday?" Sora answered, scared.

            The man looked at him, then let out a shriek and ran back in the house.

            Sora took off before anything weirder happened.

**MEANWHILE, IN A FARAWAY LAND**

            "Why are there giant rabbits everywhere?!" Yuffie yelled, jumping out of a two-foot deep hole left behind by a giant angora.

            "Maybe we're just very small." Doc said, trying to pull Dopey out from under a black spotted lop.

            "Maybe we fell through a plot hole…" Sleepy said, yawning and fluffing up the tail of a Havana he was reclining against.

            "Well that's just wonderful…" Yuffie said, looking around them distastefully.

**IN ANOTHER PLACE**

            Kairi was tired. She was very very tired. After having to answer more questions about lollipops than she ever had wanted to in her life, she was tired. And now she was cooking.

            Yes.

            Cooking.

            "Are you going to put onions in there? I like onions, but not olives. Olives taste weird when you cook them. They taste weird on pizzas too, but if you bake them with cheddar they're okay." Sephy was standing nect ot her by the stove, watching her cook dinner. She had made the mistake of giving him soda, CAFFEINATED soda, and now was being bombarded with questions, comments, criticisms and random info. "And whatever you do don't put anchovies in there, no matter how hard Skiz cries, they turn the water pink and make the green peppers go orange."

            If she hadn't thought that he was crazy before, she had no doubts left now.

            "Look what I did!" Skiz said, and waved around a piece of string with a bell attached. The bell jingled. Skiz pounced on it. Waved it again. Jingle. Pounce. Wave. Jingle. Pounce. Wave Jingle Poune. WaveJinglePounce. WAVEJINGLEPOUNCEWAVEJINGLEPOUNCEWAVEJIN—

            "Skiz, stop that! You're pouncing too loud!" Sephy yelled, glaring at the cat boy.

            "B-b-b-ut… Sephy, I wanna pounce!" He sniffled.

            "No! No pouncing for you! Now go sit in the tree!" Sephy pointed. Skiz's eyes grew wide.

            "But Sephy! You know I can't climb down!" He mrowed desperately.

            "Yeah, that'll teach you a lesson!" Sephy grinned gleefully.

            Kairi sidled away, and dashed out the door while they weren't looking. Why couldn't Sora and Riku be back? WHY?!

Endnote: And this is where it will end for now. Its been a long time, eh? Ah well, it happens. Don't know exactly how funny this is, but if you know what you need to know, then the first part with sora is funny. I think I mauled that character up, but its okay. Anything you might need to know to figure it out if you think you might know who 'the man' is? 777. Yes. Haha. I make myself funny. Whee…

Thanks to all my reviewers. Glad to see some one liked the last chap. This one sucks royally, compared to that one, tho. Oh well. 


End file.
